Chapter Two
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It had begun just before the Hollywood rounds during season four. He remembered every detail of how it happened, each precious moment spent without anyone else, without cameras, just them. It had stared so very innocent, a weekend shared between the famed four of American Idol, hosted by Simon himself. Having invited them all onto his private plane after an interview in New York City, as they boarded nobody actually knew where they were going.
The sun was shining as they all approached the plane.
“Simon, you can’t keep us in the dark any longer, I didn’t know what to pack!”
“It’s okay Ryan, as I’m sure you figured out just to bring everything.”
Simon wasn’t kidding when he meant this. Ryan had brought four suitcases for a seven day trip, something that Simon expected of Paula, not Seacrest no matter how ‘high maintenance’ he was.
“Dawg, where’s Paula?”
The guys had been really surprised to hear the pint – sized judge would actually be joining them on the little secret vaca of sorts. Every time before Simon bothered to invite her she never said yes.
Ryan then Randy boarded the plane and just as Simon was about to board there she was.
Walking like she was Ms. Hollywood, the wind was blowing her hair out to the side, Jackie O sunglasses on her face, she was all dolled up in a long pink skirt that hugged her body and a white clean button up shirt. She looked sensational and Simon just stopped and stared. She was like something out of an old Hollywood movie, a dream walking towards him… with six suitcases being pulled by four different people.
“Well Ms. Abdul, you really have come prepared!” he exclaimed.
“I did. Do you have seats for all of my people..?”
“Your people aren’t coming Paula.”
“but Simon I need to have-“
“Paula, this is a vacation. You’re people need one too I’m guessing. Now come on.”
He took her hand and helped her into the plane.
When they were all seated and the plane had taken off Simon cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.
“Were going to… Ryan drum roll please!”
“….. to Las Vegas. And it’s all my treat.”
“Wow, this is very exciting.” Ryan said.
Paula couldn’t believe that he was doing all this for them.
She didn’t know what was going through everyone else’s mind or anything else but she liked where it could be going.
“Paula… come sit with me?” Simon cooed as Randy and Ryan switched on a movie.
She walked over to Simon and sat with him on a loveseat like chair.
“I missed you darling.” He whispered in her ear.
She turned her head slightly as she leaned into him.
“I missed you too.”
She gathered her skirt and placed her feet up on the chair beside her, placing her head on his shoulder.
“Paula…”
“Yeah, Si.”
He never answered her back so she looked up at him.
His face was glowing. She always seemed to have that affect on him.
“Kiss me.” She said.
It took him off guard but he leaned in slowly and took her lips into his. It was a sensual kiss, almost an entire experience. It was their first kiss without a camera in their faces.
And it was the best one.
The water was scolding hot as it enveloped her naked body, taking ever thought of the past night away. It took away every thought except for the lingering knowledge that he was still laying in the next room. She couldn’t understand what possessed her to say the three words she knew weren’t enough, saying them wouldn’t solve anything, it wouldn’t change things, and she had always been so careful before to never say them to him. She’d never said them to him not even in their deepest most intimate moments.
So why now?
She was beating herself up over this slip up. Before now she would’ve always know where they stood, where things were going but now she was so very unclear about everything between them. The sudden state of haziness between them made her feel more uneasy then she would’ve imagined.
She had always known she loved him, but saying it was completely different. Verbalizing the feeling was beyond comprehension.
She slammed her hand against the moist stone that lined her shower. The pain radiated through her palm and up into the bones of her forearm.
“Damn it!” she exclaimed the water muffling the hushed words.
She had moved them into uncharted territory with no one to blame but herself.
Simon rolled over as dusk invaded the room of his posh celeb hostess. The familiar hues of sunset began to over take him, casting lively oranges and reds over his tan exposed flesh. He opened his eyes to greet her with a smile, only to see wrinkled sheets absent of her. He couldn’t understand why he’d gotten his hopes up. She wasn’t going to be any different. She was never going to change, never going to let him in. He was done forcing himself on her, done trying to make her love him.
The sound of running water splashing off what he could only assume was her body drifted into the room to meet his ears.
“Paula…”
His voice had dreamy tones that made her inner core melt like metal in a hot flame. He’d been the only man to make her melt like chocolate in his mouth, smooth and rich against his tongue.
“Yes?”
“Can I join you..?”
The question was quiet, soft, and sincere enough to make her give in to him.
“Yeah… Of course.”
Simon stripped what little clothing he’d had on in the first place and entered her shower, steam rising between them, water dripping from everywhere around them.
“You missed you’re flight” she said turning her back to him.
The very sight of her naked body moist in front of him made him a little excited. Her curves were intoxicating causing his mind to wander away from the things they had been talking about last night. He should have been thinking about what she said, he should be talking to her about leaving, about saying goodbye, but all he could think about was her body. Her beautiful naked body in front of him.
“Simon?”
“Yes, I know, I’ll catch one tomorrow. Right now getting back to London is furthest from my mind.”
She turned to look at him and saw a smile that was not unlike that of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. He reached around her and grabbed her sponge and body wash. She cowered away from him, unaware of where his hands might go, where they might roam with or without her permission.
Paula turned her back to him as he soaped up the sponge. He softly placed the bubble covered sponge to her back and massaged her skin.
“What are you thinking about Simon?”
The questions left her lips without any thought. It was when she let herself just talk to him without over thinking every word that she spoke that what she said was completely honest.
“You, and what you said last night.”
Her mind began to race. She was again in uncharted territory and she wasn’t unsure how she felt about it. She was naked, vulnerable, and he was so close.
“Simon, it slipped-“
“Paula, I think you’re right, love is so strong an emotion and if you know you don’t feel It, then you don’t. I can’t make you love me, I just can’t.”
“Simon I-“
“You don’t have to say anything Paula, I know. I get it. It’s over.” The words sounded so final, it was a verbal ‘the end’ to their affair.
She placed her hands one after the other, left before right, against the shower wall and lowered herself under the water. The warmth of the water seemed to light something inside of her.
She turned around so suddenly that she caught Simon off guard.
“Does it have to be over?”
“What do you mean Paula?”
“Does it have to be over? Simon, I’m not even sure it ever really begun. You’ve always been with Terri, and we never have actually been together just us. And maybe if it was just us… What if we tried again. For real.”
He couldn’t believe she was saying this.
“Why are you saying these thing to me?”
The words seemed to run out of his mouth before he could stop them. He was angry. Here she was again putting him through the ringer.
“Simon I just..”
“You can’t do this Paula, you have to make up your mind.”
He was so mad he forgot where he was, dropping the sponge and getting out of the shower.
“SIMON!”
“No Paula, I’m done! I can’t do this. I can’t go through this again.”
She clamored out of the shower and slipped and fell to the floor.
“Simon, don- not like this- just wait!”
He was dressed and halfway down the stairs before she managed to pull on a robe and go after him.
“SIMON!”
The last thing she heard was the slam of her front door before she shrunk into a heap of teary cloth robe and wet hair on the floor.
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