Him and Her Chapter 1

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Chapter One

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It was his last cigarette.


He looked at it sadly as he fumbled for his keys. He wanted to leave as quickly as he could, but first he needed a cigarette. Placing it between his chapped, pink lips, he lit it; reaching with his right hand he started the car, an act of instinct, and then shifted it into reverse, leaving her behind.


The night air felt crisp on his face, the lights of the city shining every few blocks like beacons beckoning him away from her house. The lights pulled him towards them, promising him better things, warmer places, as soon as he was away from her.


Her.


Her and her indecisive feelings. Feelings that drove him literally insane, wanting one thing and then something else. Back and forth, back and forth, she bounced, never once asking him what he wanted or how he felt. In her middle age the one person she thought about most was her. She was running out of time, she had said. Children must be in the future, and with him, there was no future.


Him.


Him and his uneasy feelings. Feelings that drove her crazy in the middle of the night, sweat dripping, nails scratching down his back, her body pressed against his, torso to torso, but the same feelings that they felt together in the night didn’t exist to her when the sun rose and she was kicking him out of her house.


His last cigarette was almost gone. This didn’t make him happy, but nothing made him happy. Nothing made him happy but her.


Her skin as soft as the finest silks he insisted on buying her. Her beautifully golden skin.


Her.


She drove him insane with everything that was uniquely, unquenchably her. Down to her very essence no one was quite like her. She was her own being, her own creative, talented, sexy, beautiful, undeniable being.


He could not deny her.


With each phone call at two a.m. she drew him closer to her. He would speed to her, comforter her, love her, make love to her, and then as the sun began to rise, he would leave her. He would do all of this for her, at her request. As he would quietly shut her bedroom door as he had done over and over for three years, she would slowly tear his insides apart. He’d give all he had, all he was and now he was without any of it.


She had taken everything promising so much, but now he was speeding away from her just a hallow shell, a mere shadow of the strong vibrant man he had once been.


She had made him who he was today.


A bitter, cynical, irrepressible man who had hardly anything to live for anymore.


She didn’t love him anymore, she had said as he left that night.


Anymore.


She said it as if she had once loved him with an unimaginable passion. She said it as if she had once loved him so much she couldn’t breathe without him around. She said it as if she had once loved him as he had loved her.


A love so strong willed it took over his being, made him say things, do things he wouldn’t do. A love that made him want to give her everything he had, everything he was just to feel her lips upon his, just to have her hand in his once more. Over and over. A love that was only to be compared to a drug, so addictive so strong, it over took his every sense and over ran his soul. A kind of love that made him, the unobtainable bachelor, want to be a marrying man.


He doubted her love.


He hated himself for doing it, for doubting her, but he truly doubted her love. She knew nothing of this kind of selfless love. She had treated him as a child’s plaything for what seemed like an everlasting amount of time, and now she would dare to say that she had loved him. She dared to say that she knew what love was.


How?


How could she know this thing? This selfless act of undiscriminating feelings that over took him when she was near?


She couldn’t, he told himself.


She couldn’t.


He knew it.


He knew that she couldn’t, he kept telling himself because with each syllable, with each breath he almost believed it.


Well he didn’t love her anymore.


He didn’t want her anymore.


He didn’t.


He didn’t want…


Her.


Her, who tore him from limb to limb and then kindly asked him to leave, his blood dripping onto her beautiful designer carpet from where he was torn by her. How could she ask so much of someone and not be willing to give it in return? How could she act so … so unlike her? So unlike the women he fell in love with all that time ago.


His thoughts were tangled inside his mind to such a sever degree that he no longer saw the lines of the road. The lights were blurs that spread from one side of the road to the other, each white line spread across the road intermingling with the yellow line on the other side. A car horn made a rude noise protruding into his thoughts, trying to awaken him to the dangers that surrounded him, willing to take his life. His hands seemed to know the roads better than his eyes as they guided him to safety at a stop light not far from her house.


He jumped at the feeling of something moving by his leg.


His phone, on vibrate. He couldn’t help but ignore it. Lifting it to where he could see the screen he read the hopeless name.


Her.


Her and her never ending need for the love he possessed for her.


He took the phone in his hand and took a much needed deep breath.


“ ‘Ello?”


“Come back. Don’t leave like this.”


She was saying exactly what he wanted to here.


“I’m on my way.”


He took the very last drag off his cigarette and threw it with a certain amount of ease out the window. He was turning a quick U – turn to speed back to the very place he’d come from, his mind which had only moments before been filled with thoughts of dismay and compelling unhappiness, was now anticipating her conversation. He could not wait to see…


Her.



His key slid smoothly into the lock as it had so many nights, so many times, but he couldn’t think of one time it had done so in the morning. This was uncharted territory for him and oddly enough he was less eager and more nervous than he thought he would be if this had ever happened. He’d played this situation out in his mind many times as he crawled into his bed across the city after a night filled with her.


Softly he scaled the stares with ease. Her door was opened just enough that he could see her sitting up right on the bed, her white sheer night gown glistening in the light of the very early morning. The thin strap of the nightgown had slid down her shoulder causing the front to gape a bit and expose most of her small breast. Had he been coming to her aid in the middle of the night that small amount of exposed flesh would’ve been high on his list of things to explore, but in the dim light that surrounded her, the only thing he wanted to explore was her mind.


He couldn’t understand why she had asked him to come back, there were so many things he wanted to say to her now, things he’d been waiting for the perfect moment to say.


He stood in the doorway and watched her. The expression on her face was one he rarely saw, one of guiltless existence. It was an expression of peace.


“Simon, I didn’t want you to leave for London with the last thing I said to you was that I didn’t love you anymore.”


She said it without even turning her head to meet his eyes. She just continued to gaze at the wall, acting as if she was afraid to face him.


Slowly he made his way across her room to her, shedding his coat and letting it drop to the floor, falling next to the garments she had been wearing when he first arrived. He sat beside her, but couldn’t bring himself to touch her.


“Well… what do you want to tell me?”


“Simon I did love you.”


Did.


He knew it.


“Paula, I guess, I just-“


“I was so afraid to tell you.”


She turned to look at him and that’s when he saw the shiny tracks left by the tears she had cried in his absences. Seeing her so vulnerable he knew he had to reach out to her. He had to touch her, comfort her in some way, the only way he could. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the shoulder. Her body tensed with the contact of their skin, but after a few seconds she gave in and tilted her head inviting him. His lips touched every patch of skin between her shoulder and her cheek until he reached her lips.


“Paula, I don’t care if you love me.”


“Why?”


Her eyes were opened wide, questioning him.


“Because I know that I love you. To me, that’s all that matters.”


“Simon, it’s not enough.”


“For who?”


She paused and began to again gaze at the wall, her head turned slightly away from him.


“You deserve someone who can let you in… and I-“


“Can’t.”


“Si, I just-“


He couldn’t listen to her anymore. He kissed her. Her mouth opened and granted him permission to enter. Slowly she laid back on the bed and he began to feel her pulling him closer to her. She kissed him with such an urgency, something he’d never felt from her. It was a feeling as if she needed him to kiss her. She needed him to kiss her one last time before he left her.


Her.


Oh the things she had put him through, pushing him away time and time again, and then calling him back each time.


Her.


Her and his need for her.


Simon loved her.


“Paula…” he whispered gently.


“Yesss…” she answered in a hushed voice.


“I love you.”


She turned over and let him hold her.


He placed his head behind hers, pulling her as close as possible before they drifted into a lazy sleep.


“I love you too..” she whispered, hoping he would hear, but knowing he was already giving into his body’s great need for sleep.


But he did hear.

Him and Her Chapter 2

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Chapter Two

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It had begun just before the Hollywood rounds during season four. He remembered every detail of how it happened, each precious moment spent without anyone else, without cameras, just them. It had stared so very innocent, a weekend shared between the famed four of American Idol, hosted by Simon himself. Having invited them all onto his private plane after an interview in New York City, as they boarded nobody actually knew where they were going.


The sun was shining as they all approached the plane.


“Simon, you can’t keep us in the dark any longer, I didn’t know what to pack!”


“It’s okay Ryan, as I’m sure you figured out just to bring everything.”


Simon wasn’t kidding when he meant this. Ryan had brought four suitcases for a seven day trip, something that Simon expected of Paula, not Seacrest no matter how ‘high maintenance’ he was.


“Dawg, where’s Paula?”


The guys had been really surprised to hear the pint – sized judge would actually be joining them on the little secret vaca of sorts. Every time before Simon bothered to invite her she never said yes.


Ryan then Randy boarded the plane and just as Simon was about to board there she was.


Walking like she was Ms. Hollywood, the wind was blowing her hair out to the side, Jackie O sunglasses on her face, she was all dolled up in a long pink skirt that hugged her body and a white clean button up shirt. She looked sensational and Simon just stopped and stared. She was like something out of an old Hollywood movie, a dream walking towards him… with six suitcases being pulled by four different people.


“Well Ms. Abdul, you really have come prepared!” he exclaimed.


“I did. Do you have seats for all of my people..?”


“Your people aren’t coming Paula.”


“but Simon I need to have-“


“Paula, this is a vacation. You’re people need one too I’m guessing. Now come on.”


He took her hand and helped her into the plane.


When they were all seated and the plane had taken off Simon cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.


“Were going to… Ryan drum roll please!”


“….. to Las Vegas. And it’s all my treat.”


“Wow, this is very exciting.” Ryan said.


Paula couldn’t believe that he was doing all this for them.


She didn’t know what was going through everyone else’s mind or anything else but she liked where it could be going.


“Paula… come sit with me?” Simon cooed as Randy and Ryan switched on a movie.


She walked over to Simon and sat with him on a loveseat like chair.


“I missed you darling.” He whispered in her ear.


She turned her head slightly as she leaned into him.


“I missed you too.”


She gathered her skirt and placed her feet up on the chair beside her, placing her head on his shoulder.


“Paula…”


“Yeah, Si.”


He never answered her back so she looked up at him.


His face was glowing. She always seemed to have that affect on him.


“Kiss me.” She said.


It took him off guard but he leaned in slowly and took her lips into his. It was a sensual kiss, almost an entire experience. It was their first kiss without a camera in their faces.


And it was the best one.


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The water was scolding hot as it enveloped her naked body, taking ever thought of the past night away. It took away every thought except for the lingering knowledge that he was still laying in the next room. She couldn’t understand what possessed her to say the three words she knew weren’t enough, saying them wouldn’t solve anything, it wouldn’t change things, and she had always been so careful before to never say them to him. She’d never said them to him not even in their deepest most intimate moments.


So why now?


She was beating herself up over this slip up. Before now she would’ve always know where they stood, where things were going but now she was so very unclear about everything between them. The sudden state of haziness between them made her feel more uneasy then she would’ve imagined.


She had always known she loved him, but saying it was completely different. Verbalizing the feeling was beyond comprehension.


She slammed her hand against the moist stone that lined her shower. The pain radiated through her palm and up into the bones of her forearm.


“Damn it!” she exclaimed the water muffling the hushed words.


She had moved them into uncharted territory with no one to blame but herself.


Simon rolled over as dusk invaded the room of his posh celeb hostess. The familiar hues of sunset began to over take him, casting lively oranges and reds over his tan exposed flesh. He opened his eyes to greet her with a smile, only to see wrinkled sheets absent of her. He couldn’t understand why he’d gotten his hopes up. She wasn’t going to be any different. She was never going to change, never going to let him in. He was done forcing himself on her, done trying to make her love him.


The sound of running water splashing off what he could only assume was her body drifted into the room to meet his ears.


“Paula…”


His voice had dreamy tones that made her inner core melt like metal in a hot flame. He’d been the only man to make her melt like chocolate in his mouth, smooth and rich against his tongue.


“Yes?”


“Can I join you..?”


The question was quiet, soft, and sincere enough to make her give in to him.


“Yeah… Of course.”


Simon stripped what little clothing he’d had on in the first place and entered her shower, steam rising between them, water dripping from everywhere around them.


“You missed you’re flight” she said turning her back to him.


The very sight of her naked body moist in front of him made him a little excited. Her curves were intoxicating causing his mind to wander away from the things they had been talking about last night. He should have been thinking about what she said, he should be talking to her about leaving, about saying goodbye, but all he could think about was her body. Her beautiful naked body in front of him.


“Simon?”


“Yes, I know, I’ll catch one tomorrow. Right now getting back to London is furthest from my mind.”


She turned to look at him and saw a smile that was not unlike that of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. He reached around her and grabbed her sponge and body wash. She cowered away from him, unaware of where his hands might go, where they might roam with or without her permission.


Paula turned her back to him as he soaped up the sponge. He softly placed the bubble covered sponge to her back and massaged her skin.


“What are you thinking about Simon?”


The questions left her lips without any thought. It was when she let herself just talk to him without over thinking every word that she spoke that what she said was completely honest.


“You, and what you said last night.”


Her mind began to race. She was again in uncharted territory and she wasn’t unsure how she felt about it. She was naked, vulnerable, and he was so close.


“Simon, it slipped-“


“Paula, I think you’re right, love is so strong an emotion and if you know you don’t feel It, then you don’t. I can’t make you love me, I just can’t.”


“Simon I-“


“You don’t have to say anything Paula, I know. I get it. It’s over.” The words sounded so final, it was a verbal ‘the end’ to their affair.


She placed her hands one after the other, left before right, against the shower wall and lowered herself under the water. The warmth of the water seemed to light something inside of her.


She turned around so suddenly that she caught Simon off guard.


“Does it have to be over?”


“What do you mean Paula?”


“Does it have to be over? Simon, I’m not even sure it ever really begun. You’ve always been with Terri, and we never have actually been together just us. And maybe if it was just us… What if we tried again. For real.”


He couldn’t believe she was saying this.


“Why are you saying these thing to me?”


The words seemed to run out of his mouth before he could stop them. He was angry. Here she was again putting him through the ringer.


“Simon I just..”


“You can’t do this Paula, you have to make up your mind.”


He was so mad he forgot where he was, dropping the sponge and getting out of the shower.


“SIMON!”


“No Paula, I’m done! I can’t do this. I can’t go through this again.”


She clamored out of the shower and slipped and fell to the floor.


“Simon, don- not like this- just wait!”


He was dressed and halfway down the stairs before she managed to pull on a robe and go after him.


“SIMON!”


The last thing she heard was the slam of her front door before she shrunk into a heap of teary cloth robe and wet hair on the floor.

Him and Her Chapter 3

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Chapter Three

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Her eyes fluttered open like soft butterflies atop her cheeks, the dark lashes reminiscent of beautifully spread wings. The first thing she saw was his face, relaxed, carefree with a smile from cheek to cheek in the excitement not unlike a five year old getting a new toy. It had been a long time since she’d seen a smile like that coming from him.


“Good morning love..”


“Hey Si. Did I miss anything?” She asked as she sat up in her seat and fumbled around trying to find her seat belt before they landed.


“Not really, just banter between the three of us. Nothing new.”


She rolled her eyes not completely unaware of the conversations he was speaking of. She did see their banter during the show, but these boys outside of the show just them without their wives and girlfriends was kind of a mystery to her. These boys, she knew could be reckless and wild, the kind of boys that needed a little room to be free, but now she was there, just hoping she wasn’t a liability.


As if Simon had read her mind he called them all around after the plane landed and cracked open a bottle of champagne to celebrate.


“Here’s to Paula becoming one of the boys, it’s been a long time coming love.”


They each held a very expensive glass in their hand, raising them all together, the clinking sound of glass on glass ringing.


She sipped her drink, not wanting to get too light headed before they got off the plane. Ryan and Randy were as usual off the plane long before Paula and Simon.


“Thanks Simon for inviting me… really, I do appreciate it.”


“Paula, I just don’t see enough of you these days…” his words trailed off as he buried his face in the bend from her neck to her shoulder. She smelled of vanilla and honeysuckle, as if she’d just gotten out of the shower. She was sickeningly sweet, soft to touch, everything he needed in that moment at that time.


“Simon, we see a lot of each other…”


“But not nearly enough love. Now shush and drink your drink, we have to go.”


Paula looked at her glass that she’d only managed to drink two small sips of and decided what the hell. She downed it, grabbed her purse, placed her right hand in Simon’s left and went off to their little tryst of a vacation.


The first thing she noticed walking out of the plane was the sweltering heat that surrounded her and how her head felt a little light and she felt a little giddy. Sliding into the limo right before Simon, she couldn’t help run her hand down his back before he sat down completely. She snuggled close to him, her left hand on his right thigh, as they were driven off to their hotel.


“Simon..”


Simon noticed Paula’s hand was a little higher than usual upon his leg and with each bump it seemed to go a little higher. A few more bumps and her hand would be cradling his cock.


“Simon!”


“Oh, bloody hell Ryan, What?”


“I was trying to tell you that E! called and I have to do something things for them today.”


“Well why don’t we all do our own thing today and then we’ll meet up tomorrow? Does that work for everybody?”


Ryan nodded and Randy added some sort of yeah dawg dude or something like that, but Paula didn’t answer.


“Paula?” Simon looked at her trying to get her to make eye contact with him.


“Can I just hang out with you today Si? Go shopping together or something?”


“Yeah, that will be great love.”



After he placed his luggage in his own room he practically skipped over to Paula’s room. He knocked with his key on the door. He could hear music playing in her room, the bass booming through the door. He was then aware that she couldn’t hear him.


“Paula.” He said a little loud and knocked with his fist on the door. He looked around to make sure nobody was watching then banged on the door very loud.


The music stopped as if on cue and there she was. She opened the door and Simon couldn’t take his eyes off of her. There she was in her corset and jeans. Her breast where popping out of the top of her corset like apples, and the black corset off set her tan skin as nicely as if she was wearing nothing at all. He could barely keep himself from letting his tongue hang out in pure excitement.


“Are you coming in Simon?”


Silently he walked in and sat on her bed as she scurried around primping herself to leave.


“Paula, you look…”


She turned and looked at him.


Her slender frame was nothing short of amazing under normal circumstances, but now that she was wearing clothing that almost looked like they were painted on and he couldn’t think straight, his thoughts just shot around the inside of his head randomly, never connecting.


“Simon… I think you need a drink.”


Simon nodded. He walked over to the bar and poured himself a glass of champagne.


“Do you want one..?”


“Yes!” She exclaimed from the bathroom.


He poured her one and grabbed both glasses and walked into the bathroom.


“Simon, do you think I’m sexy?”


She leaned against the sink, her eyes making playful glances at his entire body. Her eye lashes fluttered as she twirled a curly brown stand of hair in between her fingers. Simon wasn’t sure if she was just drunk or what, he couldn’t understand why she was asking him this. Didn’t she already know he thought she was incredibly sexy?


Simon sat down the glasses and took his left hand and placed it at her neck, just below her head. He couldn’t help it, he didn’t even think twice about it. He took her lips in his. She tasted of champagne, but her lips where beyond compare as she kissed him back.


He playfully pulled her hair, their lips breaking apart for only a mere moment but she wanted more. She lurched forward, catching him by surprise. She bit his lower lip and then devoured his mouth, her tongue massaging his with ease. She pressed her body against his, feeling his member hardening. She was about to something she’d never thought about, ever. She wasn’t sure if she was just intoxicated or what, but she didn’t care, she felt brave. She sat on the counter and pulled him closer. She was just about his height now, her lips reaching for his ear.


“Simon, fuck me.” Her breath was hot on his earlobe, her voice low, each syllable filled with lust.


He pulled away. He didn’t understand what had happened to Paula.


“Are you drunk?”


She was buzzed this was true, but she was surely not drunk.


“No.” she said making a sad face, “Do you not want to?” She said playfully, her fingers tracing down his sternum to his stomach and she didn’t stop there. Her hands tugged at his jeans. She wanted him.


“Simon, I want you.” She echoed her thoughts, but it sounded different coming out of her.


“Paula, I want you too….”


She was fed up with his hesitation. This was the man that was famous for taking charge; she wanted him to take charge of her.


“Simon you either fuck me now or we leave and go shopping.” Her voice sounded stern.


“Oh my God, you’re fucking serious aren’t you.”


It wasn’t a question. He knew it and so did she.


Simon took both his hands on either side of the corset and pulled. Each little metal hook unhooked itself and he threw it to the floor. He kissed her with power, need, want and she felt it all the way to her toes, which began to curl. Simon picked her up and striped her in such a quick fashion she hardly realized she was naked. She made quick work of his button and fly and suddenly there they stood naked.


Nobody was turning back now.


Simon picked her up and placed her legs just above his hips and walked over to the bathroom wall. His cock was hard, erect, and he slowly slid it into Paula. Her back was against the cold caramel colored marble wall, her legs wrapped around him, and she felt it. His erection filled her empty spaces, and then he began to thrust. Her arms held on to his neck, moans escaping her lips.


Simon could feel her folds wrapped around his cock and she felt sensational. He pumped away at her, smiling each time she moaned or when she threw her hands above her head in pure ecstasy. Suddenly, about ten minutes into the escapade, her legs began to twitch. She was close, he could feel it. Simon let go of one of her legs and placed a finger on her clit. She was moaning with each thrust, the tone of her voice going a little higher with each circle he made on her clit. She was so wet it was causing him to get harder. She was incredibly sexy looking during sex, her eyes closed, biting her lip.


Suddenly she couldn’t keep it in any longer.


“Fuck, Simon..” She gasped.


God his name sounded good coming out of this woman’s mouth.


“Siiiiiiiimmmmmmooonnnnnn….” She gasped just as he felt it.


Like little rippling fireworks working their way through her body, her inner muscles clenching down on his cock, she came.


Their bodies were covered in sweat as she rested her head on his shoulder.


“Simon, are you done?” She questioned.


He didn’t have to answer her. She could feel his erection still hard inside her. She lifted her head in pure excitement and glee that for once she had gotten off before the guy she was with did. They locked eyes, and he smiled. God, he was fucking sexy, even with that smart ass, know it all grin on his face.


Simon began to thrust. Shallow and soft, than harder, and Paula began to get really into it. She arched her back, pulled his hair, and ran her nails down his back until she couldn’t anymore because she was coming again. Simon could feel himself about to come inside her. He was about to tell her and pull out when she met his eyes. The deep brown circles searched into his, he felt like she could see his soul.


“Simon, come inside me… I want to feel it.” Her voice was breath, each word a struggle to release, she was that turned on.


He smiled at her.


She reached her hand around his head and pulled his hair and rode him until she felt his body buckle underneath her. He buried his head in the crease between her neck and shoulder, his favorite place to be. It was like an explosion she’d never felt before, as he came inside her.


When it was all over, they just stood there, eyes closed, Paula still pressed between Simon and the wall, hanging in mid air.

The only sound that each heard was the heavy breathing they both shared.


Simon opened his eyes and looked at her.


She took his breath away.


Her make – up was smeared, eye liner mixed with sweat that had beaded on her forehead and run down during their elicit activity.


She didn’t look at him.


She was afraid to open her eyes, afraid of what she’d see.


She was afraid her eyes would give her away.

Him and Her Chapter 4

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Chapter Four

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Simon’s head was in his hand, the sun weakly beaming in his airplane window, dancing on his blue jeans. He could barely think about what had just happened, how he’d gotten away from Paula’s house. The drive was a blur of oranges and reds of the setting sun that guided him safely home. His mind was running, never concentrating on the task at hand. How he packed and managed to get a flight to London, he’d never know. His body ached from pure tiredness, his chest ached out of intense emotional pain. She was asking too much of him, something she’d become famous for. He was always bowing to her will, doing exactly what she asked when she asked and now he had walked away, doing nothing for her, but something for him. He couldn’t place his finger on where it all went wrong, nobody could place the blame on him or her, not this time.


‘But she wanted to try’ his mind said, but he couldn’t believe it.


“Mr. Cowell, would you like a drink?” A smooth voice asked.


Out of the corner of his eye he could see the girl the voice belonged to. He didn’t bother to turn his head and meet her gaze; he just gave his order and felt her walk away. He was a tortured soul above acknowledging her presences. When she brought him his drink on the rocks, he finally turned to look at her.


She was cute, blonde, tiny, and boring. She had nothing interesting to say, but she was cute.


It took twenty minutes to get the cute stewardess into the bathroom. He barely made any conversation, it was the deadly combination of his flashing smile, the glint in his eye and she was kissing his neck and taking off her top.


“You’re so sexy…” She giggled.


Simon took a hand and motioned for her to take off his pants. Only moments later she was mounting him. He halfheartedly began to thrust. She was loud, annoying, and to Simon’s surprise barely twenty one. He didn’t use his hands to search her body; he didn’t care about her pleasure. He didn’t care that this girl was doing her best to fuck his brains out. This girl didn’t mean anything to him, she was nothing he told himself.


It was over in six minutes flat.


Under normal circumstances this would bother Simon. He would blusteringly apologize to the girl, blame the alcohol and eat her out until she got off at least once. He was not a selfish lover, but right now he was a broken person who’s last thought was the jail bait blonde before him. He didn’t want to taste this girls come on his lips; he had no interest in her pleasure, her wants, her needs. He just wanted an emotionless fucking.


She didn’t linger to kiss him, rather just dressed, fixed her hair, and exited leaving him alone in the bathroom.


Both hands placed on the sink in front of him, he looked at himself in the mirror, loathing what he’d become. Dark circles under his once beaming eyes, a faded tan, and shiny white veneers, each making him all that he was. He had a feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, a monster fighting to get out, tearing at his inners, ripping apart his soul. He turned around just in time as he began to vomit in the small, blue water filled airplane toilet. He dry heaved until his body realized that everything that had filled him was gone. He was as empty as he knew her soul to be.


He turned on the water to wash his hands, it was cold as ice. He flicked a few drops on his face, trying to regain something of what he was back.


He couldn’t count the number of times he’d fucked a stewardess in an airplane bathroom, but he’d never felt like this afterwards. Usually his smug nature would take over, he’d think, another notch in the belt, and go on with his life. But now, it was no fun. Fucking random girls seemed dirty and vulgar to him after he’d had her.


“She’s ruined me.” He said to his reflection, and oddly enough he agreed.


-----------------------------------


The next hours that passed during their Las Vegas trip would be a blur to them for many months to come. Simon could remember finishing the bottle of champagne with Paula, making love again, and then finally making it out to the clubs as the sunset and the lights of the infamous Vegas Strip turned on. Simon held Paula’s hand as they made their way through the lobby of the hotel, a smug grin spread across his face knowing every eye was on the two of them. Paula was dressed in a beautifully short white dress that was covered in tassels. It sparkled under all the lights and made her look good enough to eat, even though Simon had already found out how good she was to eat earlier that day.


“Where are you taking me, Si?”


They were seated in a limo, drinks poured, Paula literally sitting on his lap. He captured her lips in a sensual kiss before answering.


“The Palms love, they have a great club and I want to check into the playboy suite tomorrow when Hef leaves.”


Paula started kissing his neck, making her way down his chest, nudging his shirt out of the way. She was a tiger, Simon had found out, a little sex kitten that he couldn’t get enough of.


They walked into the Palms hotel like the royalty that they were. Simon questioned about the Playboy suite to find it was vacant for the next week. After booking the suite for that night and the rest of the week, they went to the club.


The club was dark and filled with a dry heat, lights flashing. As soon as Paula heard the music she began to dance. Simon could barely get to the VIP section before she was grinding her body against his. The music was pulsating, their bodies were close, and then she got him to do something he never did.


Paula got Simon to dance.


She looped her hands around his neck, and slowly ran her body down his until she was almost on the floor. She stood up and turned around, pressing her ass against his hips, grinding in such a sexual manner Simon was instantly turned on. He wrapped his arms around her, moving his hips with her.


To her surprise, the man could dance.


Their bodies moved together as if they were one, each beat causing friction, each movement causing them to be aroused. Three drinks and forty minutes later they were stumbling upstairs to the suite.


The Playboy suite was something to behold, just as Simon had been told. Decorated much like the mansion, it was so high above Las Vegas you could see everything. But Simon didn’t care about anything. All he cared about was the woman who was stripping for him before he could even get the door closed.


Paula was completely bare as the lock made a distinctive click sound. Simon scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bathroom. He started running a very warm bath in the tub as Paula climbed onto the marble finish surrounding the tub. Thin silver chains hung from the ceiling to the floor, surrounding them. Simon stripped as quickly as possible and joined Paula in the tub. She straddled him, and kissed him softly everywhere her lips could reach. She caressed each of his nipples with her tongue, moving further down his torso.


Simon reached for her chin and guided her back up to his lips. He couldn’t get enough of the way she kissed him. She moved to ready herself to take in his member, one leg on the outside of each of his. Simon reached over and shut off the water. Paula lowered herself slowly onto him.


She moved up and down, her hands in his hair, on his cheeks, and all over any part of him as he filled her and made her feel whole.


Up and down, in and out, harder and harder, over and over until Simon could feel himself getting close. Paula threw her hands up in the air and her head back. Simon heard the sound of metal and looked up to see the hottest thing he’d ever seen when he was making love to a women. Paula had reached up and wrapped her hands in the chains that surrounded them. She was pulling herself up higher and coming down on him harder until he couldn’t handle it any longer.


Simon reached for her hair and pulled her into a smashingly powerful kiss and came inside her. Her body wriggled with intensity and he knew she had climaxed with him.


They laid there for a few minutes just taking in each other.


After a few moments of complete silence Simon started to drain the tub so Paula could fill it with some warmer water.


“Where are you going?” she questioned when he got out of the tub.


“I’ll be right back.”


Paula stretched out, listening to the sound of the water and feeling its warmth, her eyes closed.


Music met her ears, and soon there was a splash next to her.


She opened her eyes only to be met with the dim light of candles and Simon pouring her a celebratory glass of champagne. Paula took it from him and listened to the docile tones of Michael Buble’s song Home. Simon took her in his arms, taking a drink of his drink.


“This is wonderful, Simon.”


“I know.”



Hours later the bar in their room was almost devoid of all alcohol. They had dried off and decided to drink some more, and make some more love. Their heads were light, they spirits lifted, for they had found something very special that day.


Each other.

Him and Her Chapter 5

-------------------

Chapter Five

-------------------

The sunlight harassed his mind. His head felt as if it were splitting in two directly down the middle. He kept his eyes closed and began to feel his surroundings. He wasn’t quite sure where he was or how he got there, but by the sound of the breathing beside him he wasn’t alone. Stumbling to the window he pulled the shades, breathing in the darkness cast across the room like he’d been suffocating. Slowly he opened his eyes. That’s when the memories came. They flooded his senses.


The bathtub, the water, Paula, Paula naked, lots of champagne, dancing, flashes of everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours invading his mind. He cast a fleeting glance at the bed and saw her, his breath of fresh air in the form of a beautifully nude Paula Abdul.


Her chest rose and fell slowly with the timing of her breathing, her hair spread out above her head like a halo. Her naked flesh exposed, the white linen sheets discarded to her waist. She looked like something out of his many fantasies. He was about to climb back into bed and nuzzle in as close to her as he could when the distant ringing of his cell phone distracted him. He walked downstairs in search of his phone. He found it discarded by the door ringing continuously.


“Ello?”


He sounded as if he’d been through hell, which to him seemed odd. He knew what happened last night was pure heaven.


“Simon, where’ve you been I’ve been calling you all day.” The cheery tones in Seacrest’s voice made him wince.


“All day? Fuck what time is it?”


“It’s three in the afternoon buddy, where are you? I’ve been knocking on your hotel room door all morning.”


“Paula and I checked into the Playboy suite last night. Do us a favor and grab all our stuff and come over to the Palms, will you?”


“Sure… Umm.. you need to see something too.”


“What?”


“Nothing Cowell, I’ll show it to you when I get there.”


Simon had no idea what he was talking about, shaking his head he clicked shut his phone.


“Si…?” She was calling him.


He scaled the stairs as quickly as he could, only wanting to get back to her.



Ryan tapped on the door afraid of how this day was going to go. Randy, who knew nothing of the news Ryan was about to spill to the two “love birds” in the next room, had caught an early flight home with the wife, Erica and business he had to do as the excuse. With a rolled up copy of the Enquirer in his hand, Simon and Paula’s luggage behind him, he waited.


A terry cloth robe clad Paula opened the door.


She had dark circles under her eyes, but the smile that she was wearing on her face was never bigger or brighter.


“Hey Paula…” Ryan started as he walked in trying to lug in her bags with him. Simon came to the door quickly to help.


Once everything was situated and Ryan had gotten a drink, everyone sat down in the living room to see what Ryan’s big news was.


Simon sat beside Paula, opposite Ryan, his hand around her shoulders.


“So, you guys have fun last night?”


Paula’s face turned a slight shade of red and she adverted her eyes from Ryan’s knowing glances. Simon, who always felt he had nothing to hide, simply nodded, barely suppressing the cheeky smile he really wanted to flash at Ryan.


“Well don’t spare the details, actually you don’t have to. I read all about it in the Enquirer this morning.” He tossed the copy he had with him onto Simon’s lap and waited for the shock to settle in.


On the cover in bold red letters was the phrase “Marrying Idols”. The picture below was of Paula, a beautifully embellished ring on her most important finger, kissing Simon outside of the god forbidden Little White Chapel.


“What the fuck? They doctored this.”


Paula’s eyes were as big as the bottom of her Idol Coke glass. She’d seen that ring before. She had taken it off when she woke up, wondering where it came from.


“Did they Simon? You guys were together all night, presumably drunk. Do you even remember what happen?”


Simon began to rack his brain.


Hotel.Sex.Club.Sex.Sex.Sex, and a lot of drinking, but no marriage that he remembered.


“It’s fake. It has to be we were here all night.”


Paula, who’s quietness went unnoticed, had opened the dirty gossip rag and was fingering through the article. There were pictures of them leaving their first hotel, arriving at the Palms, in the club, in the casino, stumbling to their room. It was as if the scum bags had followed them all night.


“Simon, thank god this is the only magazine that’s picked up the story, but I’m sure more will follow, E called and asked me to confirm. That’s how I found out.”


“Well it didn’t ha-“


Paula got up and quickly made her way upstairs. Both the men looked confused, sharing glances of disbelief at the paper until Paula returned with two items in her hands.


One was a piece of paper and the other too small for them to see.


“Simon, look at this.”


She handed the paper to him, her hand slightly trembling.


His eyes took in what was on the paper. His signature, hers as well, and then he realized what he was looking at.


“This is a marriage certificate. Fuck! This actually happened.”


Tears welled up in her eyes. She felt awful, sick to her stomach with pure hate for what she’d just done. Paula Abdul and another failed marriage, this one before it even really began. Inwardly she was already beating herself up over this mistake.


“You two actually got married?” Ryan’s voice seemed to go up an octave in pure surprise.


“Apparently we did.”


“Well what now?” It was only the second time she spoke since Ryan had told them the news of their fateful night.


“Well damage control right? We’ll have Ryan go on E and deny the claims saying it’s a fake picture, I’ll sue or something we’ll take care of it.”


Paula could feel herself breaking inside. He wouldn’t even look at her, he just stared blankly at the piece of paper, pure hatred in his eyes. This was everything he had never wanted and she knew it. She didn’t want it to be this way, but she felt she couldn’t say anything.


“So what? Divorce?”


“No, darling we don’t have to, we just have to do this.”


Simon took his lighter off the coffee table and lit the binding contract on fire knowing full well if it was never filed, to the public and the law it never existed.


She watched it burn, paralyzed by the feeling of abandonment he didn’t know he was inflicting on her. With each flicker of the flame she felt herself giving up on love for good. With each orange flame that coated the paper and turned it to ash she built a wall around her heart, never to let anyone in again.


Simon threw the remainder of the flaming mistake into the fire place. He finally turned and looked at Paula, watching her turn the ring over in her hand. He had to say that he had good taste in jewelry even when drunk. The ring was beautiful and had a rather large stone. It was a yellow diamond that didn’t even really look like a diamond and defiantly didn’t look like a stuffy old engagement ring.


Paula looked up realizing she was being watched and reached her hand out to Simon, giving the ring back to him.


“Keep it.” He said gruffly.


She would and every single time she wore it she would break a little more inside, remembering the pure rejection she felt from him that day.



--------------------------------------



She could barely stumble into her bedroom to pick up the phone and dial her savior number. She called it her savior number because he’d always been there through every bad relationship she’d ever had and was one of the few that even knew about the alleged affair between her and Simon.


“Daniel… he’s gone. He left.. can you come over?”


She walked downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine and curled up on the couch waiting for Daniel to come and save her as he did so often, so well. She didn’t nod off, but rather finished her glass and poured another. Half way through her second glass she tipsily walked over to the stereo and pressed play. She knew it was there, he’d given it to her so long ago. She was surprised she hadn’t wore the CD out, she played it so often. The smoothness of the singer’s voice always seemed to surprise her, making her tingle. He use to kiss her so softly, so sweetly as they listened to the docile tones. This was their song, a song that made them feel as if with each other they were home. It made them feel that they alone were the only one the other needed, even though they had proven it wrong time and time again. Neither one had ever been completely faithful to the other, though it had never been pressured to be that way. They understood that they made each other happy and that was that.


By the time Daniel had made his way to Paula’s house, she was sleepily lounging on the couch, her second glass of wine completely empty, her cheeks covered by the tracks of her tears. Daniel rushed over to her and scooped her up in a warm hug.


“Paula, you’re all wet!” he exclaimed half talking about her hair, half talking about the tears that had run down her face.


He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and let her cuddle in close to him.


“What happened?”


Paula couldn’t really put any of it into words. She just sobbed into his shoulder.


Daniel knew it was bad because she was playing the CD, listening to ‘Home’ on repeat, she’d had more than one glass of wine, and she was wearing the ring.


“Paula, honey, use your words. Talk to me.”


In between sniffles she managed to get out one sentence.


“I told him.”


Daniel’s eyes grew wider, for he knew that exactly what she was talking about. She’d been so afraid of saying those words, whether in return to him or in the throngs of passions. She always swore to herself she would never say them.


“Why?”


She turned to look at him and stated it as simply as she could.


“Because I couldn’t keep lying to him.”


“So you love him?”


“Yeah, Daniel, I do.”


She’d never admitted to anyone, all this time, that she really loved him.


Now he was gone, flying away to London, and she was finally ready to say she loved him.

Him and Her Chapter 6

---------------------

Chapter Six

---------------------



“I don’t think you understand” she said into the camera, “I’m about to let Simon Cowell stick his tongue in my mouth… Simon Cowell! Would you let him do that to you?” She could hear that guy behind the camera chuckle.


They were in a room she’d been in before but now it was different. Filled with a tension, she took her seat at the table. His kitchen was lit up like a Christmas Tree, filled with ten to twelve people all mingling around getting ready for the grand event.


Simon waltzed in as if he was walking into a meeting or something. His tight black shirt seemed to outline his sculpted chest well, Paula could help but ogle him.


“Hello Darling, are we ready to get this over with?”


Over with? It hadn’t even begun and he was already thinking about getting it over with. To Paula that seemed like someone searching way too hard for the light at the end of the tunnel.


“Of course Simon. Isn’t Terri going to come watch?” It was indeed a snide comment but coming from Paula it didn’t seem that way. She had a way of making even the meanest things seem sweet.


“No, she’s in London. She’ll just have to miss the festivities… I feel bad for her.” Simon ended the statement with a wink in Paula’s direction.


His face was covered in a sappy grin, and it seemed to put her a little at ease. Paula had been worried about this all day and seeing that Simon was taking it all in stride, joking and laugh, made her feel like she had worried for nothing.


They looked over their scripts, sipping wine, and then words seemed to just jump off the page.


“Cuddles? What the hell, Simon I can’t say that!”


Simon just shrugged his shoulders and smiled.


“I didn’t write the script deary.”


They continued to look things over until Simon found something to complain about.


“Wait, Randy’s the one waking up with me in bed.. I thought it was going to be Paula..”


She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him. As if he could ever get her in a bed to begin with.


Three glass of champagne later, thirty some odd takes of the one single kiss they had to share, and there they were talking away as the candles burned lower and lower. Everyone was gone, and it was just them enjoying each other’s uniqueness in their conversation.


“Paula, are you alright darling… these days you seem so …”


“Out of it?”


“Yeah, a bit.”


“I’m not too sure anymore. Life is just a little tangled up these days.


“Why?”


She turned to look at him and saw such an enduring essence in his eyes. This man, who seemed to care for no one, seemed to be actually interested in her life and what she had to say.


“Life is perfect in sorts. I’m working more than I have in years. I love it. But I’m missing that special person in my life to share it with.”


“But you have me love.” He placed his hand on top of hers. He looked into her eyes, hoping she knew he was being truthful and sincere. “Am I not special enough?”


“Simon you are special, but you’ve got a love in your life and I’m missing one in mine.”


Simon shifted uncomfortably in his chair and Paula felt him close up a bit.


“What? Don’t you love Terri?”


He thought about the question that sounded so simple was filled with much deeper meanings. Love was such a strong emotion and he’d didn’t believe he’d ever felt it for anyone.


“I like her, but love? No.”


Paula was surprised at his blunt honesty on such a private subject, and she was never surprised by his bluntness.


“Then why…?”


“It’s comfortable. It’s a good image for me here in America. There are a lot of reasons.”


Questions started popping up in her head in such an uncontrollable manner she didn’t know what to ask first.


“Simon does she know this?”


“Have I told her? No. But I’m sure she knows it. She has to get it when I’m away for days at a time and don’t call.”


“You mean, you’re not faithful?”


“Oh, no. I don’t think I ever have been.”


Paula had to look away. She pretended to be overly interested in the orange glow of the city that hovered just above the trees that framed his garden.


“And she’s okay with that…?”


“She signed up for it. She knew before we got together that I had never once been faithful to a girlfriend. She’s friends with Sinitta. Sinitta has never kept it a secret that I cheated on her.”


Paula was in a state of shock. She had always thought that Terri had tamed him, cleaned up Simon’s playboy image. She had been very wrong. Terri hadn’t changed him, but rather just accepted him. Coming to these realizations she felt out of place and awkward. Something inside told her to run for the hills and she listened.


“It’s late Si, I should go.”


“Stay.” He said softly. He didn’t look at her, but stared blankly at the table, his fingers tracing the rim of his wine glass.


“What?”


“Stay with me tonight. Sleep over.”


“Simon I can’t, I won’t be one of your …” She stopped herself. She didn’t want to hurt him. She couldn’t betray the information he’d just confined in her.


“Lovers?” He finished for her.


“Well, yeah.”


“Paula, I won’t sleep with you, at least not if you don’t want to. Just stay over, cuddle with me and watch a movie.”


He had asked her to cuddle with him. How could she resist to cuddle with him when her bed at home was so lonely, filled with only her and her dogs.


“Okay.”


They walked together into his bedroom, Simon guiding her holding her hand. He brought her one of the famous black shirts he always wore. She peeled off her black dress and pulled the shirt over her head. She didn’t bother to tell him not to watch because in a way she wanted him too. He caught a glimpse of her black bra and lacy thong to match before she was covered in a look owned by him.


“What do you want to watch?”


She went over to his extensive movie collection and traced the titles with her finger. She picked out Serendipity. It looked like a sappy lovey dovey movie and she knew he’d hate it.


Simon came out of his dressing room in a white t shirt and striped blue pajama pants.


‘He looks good in anything’ she thought.


“This one.” She handed out the movie for him to see.


“Oh I love this one.”


She couldn’t believe her ears.


Simon turned on the movie and they climbed into his bed. Paula felt a little awkward at first but then Simon wrapped her arms around her and she felt at ease. He felt like home to her. She was in the nook, the place where she felt so safe that she couldn’t stand to be anywhere else.


This man was amazing and yet amazingly flawed. For the first time he was showing her these flaws, exposing himself to her. She was taking it all in stride. She didn’t know what to think of all these flaws and how they could affect her in that moment. Her head felt full of thoughts about it but then she casted them aside.


He reached over and kissed her lips softly.


And in that moment, to her, he was just amazing.


She saw no flaws.





------------------------------------------------



It had been years since she’d thought about that night, but now trapped on a plane with over a hundred people, she was left with only her thoughts. Things had gotten so complicated since then. She had let her guard down for him, wanting, needing him to be close to her, yet he was always for some reason unavailable to her. He could always reach her, but she couldn’t get him, Daniel had told her. It didn’t make sense to her, but for some reason, now that she was flying away from her home it did. At the time between the night they filmed the kiss and their romp in Vegas, Simon could pick up the phone or stop by and she would be there, but when she tried to reach him it took days just to hear his voice on the other line. Then after Las Vegas she had shut herself off to him, stopped running to him, stopped answering his calls on the first ring and she had gained control. It was not as if she wanted control or had some aching, sick need to be in control, but if she was in control her heart could remained whole.


The truth was she knew that night that she had fallen in love with him. The moments between them, when he chose to share his flaws, his soul with her she’d looked at him in a different way. She felt his inner hurt, his painful struggle that he hid with the cars, money, and women he flaunted for everyone else. With her, Simon didn’t have to flaunt these things, there was no smoke and mirrors to hide behind. She accepted him just the way he was and this he’d never felt before. He had once told her she was the only women he knew didn’t like him for his money and the one women he could tell anything to and knew it wouldn’t change anything between them. She remembered him saying that like it was yesterday, the two of them sprawled naked on her bed, bodies intertwined.


Now she was unsure of who was in control. Maybe at this point neither of them was in control. It felt to her that the only thing in control was their emotions and they were running ramped over the two of them and the two continents that separated them.


Paula slipped her iPod out of her purse and flipped through it looking for the song that always seemed to calm her down. She leaned her head towards the window and fell into a lazy sleep just as they flew over New York City, Michael Buble singing sweetly to her.

Him and Her Chapter 7

-----------------------

Chapter Seven

-----------------------



It was raining when he stepped off the plane. It was coming down in gushes and oddly enough it made him smile. Simon felt much more at home in London, away from the eternal fantasy that was L.A. Even though he barely slept a wink on the plane, due to his inner conflict over the stewardess, he felt better just being there. His driver met him at the curb and was ready to take him straight home until Simon opted for a different location.


“Would you mind taking me to my mum’s?”


The driver boasted that it would be a pleasure and off they went, weaving in and out of the London traffic.


Simon always seemed to feel the need to go see his mother as soon as his feet touched British soil, but it was hardly ever that he acted on it. Right now he felt as if she may be the only women he could bare to talk to. His mum was the only women who had never broken his heart, but rather spent countless hours helping him to piece it back together. Feelings of heartbreaks before had been told to Julie time and time again, each ending in her telling her son what he did wrong and what the girl did as well. Julie was no fool, having raised Simon herself, she knew he was no Mr. Perfect in relationships. If she bothered to cast her mind back into his younger years she could remember frightened phone calls from Sinitta each time he would go missing. He would leave her for a few days to have a roll in the hay with some lap dancer and then trot back home on Monday as if all was well. Julie had never condoned this behavior but she wasn’t about to chastise her grown son. He could make his decisions, good or bad, for himself. The only thing she would do for him was comfort him and give him her very helpful advice.


It had been Simon’s mum who first brought up Paula Abdul. They were sitting in her living room watching a tape of American idol Simon had brought and when Paula came across the screen for the usual introduction Julie saw a flicker of strong emotion present in her son.


“You two get on then?”


“Nah, Mum. She’s not for me.”


Julie didn’t question it. When Simon had something in his mind it was there and nothing she or anyone else said was going to change it.


It was merely four weeks later Simon bothered to bring Terri around. To most people meeting the parents is a huge step in a relationship, to Simon it was like a second date. If he was bothering to buy you dinner more than three times you were more than obligated to meet his family. Simon, as much as he hated to admit it, valued his mother’s opinion over many. The only opinion he valued more was his fathers, and after his father died he had always missed the witty comments he had always given to him about the girls he’d dated. Simon could only thank god his dad was gone and wasn’t there for the first time he brought a lap dancer home.


“Mum, this is Terri.”


Julie looked her up and down before shaking her hand. Terri was dressed in a strapless black dress and high heels and the first thing Julie thought was ‘Well this won’t last she’s taller than him’. It was true that Simon had dumped a girl for less. But she seemed nice enough. As they sat down to dinner and the conversation was taken over a by Simon and Nick, Julie realized that Terri never really had an opinion or brought anything to the table other than commenting on what Simon said. Julie didn’t understand it, this connection Simon thought he had with this woman, but for the moment she kept her mouth shut. She never thought she’d be keeping her mouth shut for five years.


Simon walked up to his mother’s door in Brighton and knocked on the door, rain pouring on his head. Julie’s face peeked between the curtains and she couldn’t help but smile seeing Simon dripping wet come to visit her.


“Well come in now you’re getting all wet.”


She let him step inside and brush off before she swept him up in a meaningful hug. She never could tell him how desperate she was when he was gone to America. Her family was her life and Simon was very close to her heart. She would never tell anyone, not even on her deathbed, but Simon was indeed her favorite.


“How long have you been back Simon?” she asked as he made his way into the living room lighting a cigarette as he took a seat.


“Just got back.”


“Oh you’re lying.”


“Not a word to you mum, never.” She could hear the sarcasm laced into his words. “But seriously I just got back.”


As much as she loved her son and was so utterly glad to see him she knew this couldn’t be good if seeing her was the first order of business back in England. She brought tea and sat down, beside her dog on the sofa.


“Well what’s the matter then?”


Simon was baffled at how she just knew something was wrong. He never understood how she could just tell without him even saying a word, but she could.


He let a sigh filled to the brim with heaviness out of his mouth before he began to speak. “Well mum, it’s over.”


“You and Terri?”


Of course, he’d forgotten. His mum knew nothing of Paula. How was he going to explain this?


“No mum, she’s fine, were fine. It’s this..”


“Other women. Is it Paula?”


Simon couldn’t help letting his mouth drop open in surprise.


“How on earth did you know?”


“You presume I’m just old and slow and don’t get anything. Well that’s not the truth. Simon I’ve know something was going on for a long time. I’m not that dumb Simon.” She chuckled. “So are you going to tell me what happen?”


Simon squirmed a little bit in his chair, telling his mother about his affair with Paula. He left out no detail except the sexually explicit ones. He told her about the drunken wedding that he didn’t remember until months later, waking up from a dead sleep. He told her about all the times he’d run to her, care for her, and all the times she’d never do the same. He told her about the frustration he felt for her that very day and how angry he’d been when he left the states.


“But darling, don’t you see. She’s afraid to love you.”


His mother had never spoken truer words and Simon could have killed himself for not seeing if for himself.


“But that doesn’t make it right, what she’s doing to me.”


“No Simon it doesn’t, but it does show you that she is still able to love, but neither of you have been willing to give it a real go, have you?”


“Well, no, we’ve always had other people. I have Terri and now she’s got this dope, JT.”


“Jealous, are we?”


“What? No, mum. It’s just that we have never really tried to make it work, just the two of us…”


“Then you don’t know if she loves you Simon, not really.”


His head was foggy. He couldn’t work out all the thoughts that kept moving forward and then back in the river that was his mind. His mother kept saying these things he needed to hear but wasn’t sure he wanted to. He was suppose to be done with this woman, and now the one woman he trusted was saying things that made him want to jump on a plane in the opposite direction and go back to her.


“Simon. You love her.”


“What?” Her words brought him to the surface of his thoughts, making him listen.


“You do. I’ve seen it in your eyes and in your smile since the first day you showed me a tape of American Idol. You love her.”


His mother had never said anything like this to him. She had never once said that she could see love in him. He wasn’t sure love was in him anymore, but with his mother telling him so, it made him feel as if maybe there still was.


They talked for another couple hours or so and then Simon headed back to London, the smoke rising from his last cigarette. He hadn’t even noticed it was his last one as he had lit it and taken a sweet pull off it while wading back into the river of his thoughts. He loved her. Yes, he knew that, he had said it so many times, but to hear someone else say they could see it too made it seem more real. How was he supposed to go back to her now and give it a real try like his mum told him to? After he had stormed out in a rush of wet skin and black t-shirt was he going to crawl back to her and make it better than before? He was so unsure of everything now that all he could manage to do was smoke his cigarette and try not to think about her.


Her and the way she made him feel.


She always made him feel alive and free.


Touching her made something spark inside of him, made thoughts run threw his mind, thoughts like if he could only touch her for the rest of his life he would be whole. To be at one with this women would make everything so wonderful so simple.


He picked up his phone and dialed her number. With each number that his fingertip touched his heartbeat rose. He lifted the phone to his ear and waited to hear it ring, but it never did.


“Hi! This is Paula, you know what to do.” Beep.


“Umm.. Paula it’s me.. I guess you’re not answering my calls. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to do earlier. I need to umm.. Talk with you. Soon.”


He hung up hoping he didn’t sound desperate but then he realized he didn’t care anymore. Let her think he was desperate because it was the truth. He was desperate to touch her, kiss her, hold….


Her.


He wanted her.


He loved her.


Her.


He would do anything for her, give up anyone for her.


Her and only her.

Him and Her Chapter 8

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Chapter Eight
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She was wishing she had brought an umbrella as she was trying to hail a cab to take her anywhere that wasn’t wet, but in England a dry place was always hard to find. Having finally found a cab, she climbed in as he put her luggage in the car. She was drenched all the way down to her lacey undergarments and she wasn’t sure what to do now that she was here.


“Take me to a good hotel” she said loud enough for him to hear.


The driver seemed confused but started to drive away just the same. He couldn’t help thinking this woman had no bloody clue where she was going or what she was doing. Looking into the rear view mirror he realized this was no ordinary wet woman in his back seat but rather a famous American he’d seen on the telly. He couldn’t believe his eyes, but after blinking them a few times he placed them back on the road and tired to think of the fanciest hotel in London.


Paula gazed out the window watching the rain and the people that braved it with umbrellas in hand. She had always loved this country, a love that was instilled deep in her soul, something she never really told anyone because it never seemed important.


Having reached a hotel the driver thought appropriate for Ms. Abdul, he pulled to the side and got her luggage for her.


Paula walked into the lobby glad to be warm and hoping to soon be dry.


She checked into a room and went to change. At least she could show up on Simon’s door step looking good or at least looking dry. She quickly changed and tussled her hair dry with a blow dryer. She reapplied her makeup and put on a few splashes of perfume on the wrist, neck, and inner thigh just in case. With once last glance in the mirror she was out the door.


Walking to the elevator Paula stopped dead in her tracks. What was she doing? Had she really just flown across the world to confess her unwavering love to this man she swore she never would? Putting one foot firmly out in front of the other she confirmed the answer with in herself before speaking aloud. “Yes. I did. Because I love him.”


Another hour later there she was, dressed in a slimming black high waisted skirt then didn’t end until her mid calf and a button up white shirt knocking on his door. It was chilly and she wished she’d been smart enough to bring a coat, but it would be warm in Simon’s house. She had waved to the taxi driver as he pulled away and knocked again. He wasn’t home. She turned to motion to make the taxi come back but it was too late, he was gone.


It was at that moment she became desperate.


What if he didn’t come home?


What if he was still in L.A.?


How could she have been so stupid to fly halfway across the world without first picking up the phone and making sure he was there in the first place?


“God Damn it!” She yelled pounding on the door.


She stood there for twenty minutes, hovelling under the small slant of roof that was keeping her dry. After twenty minutes more, her feet killing her, she gave up and sat on his step, the rain pouring around and on her. Her white shirt quickly became sheer, the cold took over her body causing certain places to lose feeling. With each drop of rain no matter how cold it made her, it seemed to call her in a way. She became less frantic and calmly sat there waiting, though for what she was unsure of for she was positive that he was still miles away in the sunny California weather. Another twenty minutes passed and then quickly turned into two hours.


Her bottom lip started to quiver. Cold had seeped into every bone in her body, but she couldn’t feel it. She was too busy wondering how she could have done this to herself. Finally giving up after three hours she stood up, slung her purse, which was almost like a small swimming pool connected to straps at that point, over her shoulder and began to walk down his driveway.
Her head was hung low in defeat, tears mingling with the English rain that on her cheeks. In that very moment she hated herself. She hated herself for not telling him she loved him every single moment she could.


In the darkness of dusk she was having a hard time navigating his driveway. She stepped carefully in her black four inch Jimmy Choos. She stumbled a small bit and out came a string of curse words which oddly made her feel better. She could hear the traffic moving on wards, never wavering, on the nearby street she was walking to and she could only hope a taxi would be there waiting for her, though she was sure her thoughts were in vain.


However there was no taxi, or rather she never knew if there was because she stopped suddenly at a small glimmer of hope.


Headlights flashed on her and there she stood a literal deer in headlights. She couldn’t see who it was, the lights blinding her.


Simon couldn’t believe his eyes as he pulled into his driveway. Paula was there, standing right in front of him, looking towards him with squinting eyes, soaking wet.


Paula stood there baffled; craning her neck to see who it was that had unknowingly come to save her from this terrible place she thought she once loved. As soon as she saw him something inside her broke. She couldn’t be strong anymore. She broke down crying and stopped, waiting for him to come to her. Simon stopped the car and ran to her.


“What the hell are you doing here?” He said unable to keep a smile from inching across his face.


She lifted her head and he saw the smears of make up running races down her face. She was extremely wet and cold.


“I had to come to you. I had to tell you.”


He pulled her into a gut wrenching hug.


“Tell me what?” He whispered for only her to hear. His warm breath drove her wild as it found places to land upon her ear.


“Simon, I love you.” She told him in a hushed, innocent, incredibly sincere voice.


He squeezed her even tighter. He couldn’t believe what she was saying or even that she had come to him. He had never guessed her to be the crazy romantic among the two of them. He knew he’d scale mountains, continents, even swim across the bloody English Channel for this women, but for her to do this, was something he could’ve never asked nor ponder ever happening.


She pulled away a bit and looked at him. She was home; she could see it in his eyes.


Simon pulled her into a knee weakening lip lock. The moment their lips touched she could feel more hot tears budding. It was the sense of belonging to someone completely, that one feeling she’d searched the world over for. Paula felt herself being free of her romantic bondages. She was letting herself love him. Simon felt the warm tears fall from her eyes and sink to where their cheeks met. This woman was everything to him. When he had thought himself incapable of giving love, she had shown him different. She had taken his broken, damaged, bleeding heart and repaired them. She’d given him a soul. How could he have ever doubted her love? How could he wonder if it was real, these feeling she swore she had but couldn’t show? How could he have thought that he could ever live his life without her?


Her.


Her and her love for him.


These where the only two things Simon knew he needed to live. Fuck oxygen, food, water, shelter, Paula Abdul was all he needed in his life. This was no new revelation but rather the confession to what he had known forever.


She loved him.


He felt it in her lips, like a brilliant firework that was glowing inside of her.


And he loved her.


The stood and kissed for what seemed like forever until Simon could feel her shaking in his arms. Simon ushered her into his car and took her to his home.


Her hands were trembling beyond belief as Simon helped her undress and placed her in his warmest robe. She followed him to the living room where he lit a fire in the fireplace. The house was exquisite in taste, very fashionable, yet lacking a certain warmth. It was as if nobody really lived there it had just been all dressed up for a photo or something. Paula sat down on a beautiful white rug in front of the fire. She was beginning to feel the warmth from the fire, her skin turned soft and dry, her hair matted but soft. Simon returned soon later with a hot cup of tea. Paula was never really a fan of his British tea. It was very strong and he insisted on pour milk in it which to her just seemed very odd.


“Drink it Paula.”


She made a face and started to lay down when he reached a hold of her shoulder and pulled her closer to him.


“You need to warm up or you’ll catch cold.”


She smiled. Simon the nursemaid was not a side of Simon she was accustom to. It was nice to be taken care of beyond the type of “brotherly protection” each of the guys offered her. She took the cup from him and took a sip. She couldn’t help but wrinkle her brow and scrunch up her nose at the taste but nonetheless took another drink soon after. The hot liquid traveled past her teeth and down her throat, warming her from the inside out.


“Can I ask you something?”


She was hoping he would be the first one to speak. She nodded and then turned to gaze into the flickering orange and red flames of the fire before her.


“Are you barking mad to be standing on my door step in the rain?”


She smiled but he couldn’t see it, her back still turned towards him.


“I wasn’t planning on standing in the rain, Simon, I was hoping you would be here.”


“but I am here.”


“Well you are now. Where were you?”


“My Mum’s. I had to talk to her. She calmed me down, helped me realize what I have to do now.”


Paula was taken aback by this. Simon never discussed his mother with her. There was the few oh she’s fines, or the of course she likes yous, but for the most part there was hardly even a faint whisper of her in their life together. Paula crawled towards him and pulled herself up to his knees, placing one hand on each leg.


“And what are you going to do?” She purred.


“Paula, it’s over.”


Her body stiffened and her mind went blank for a few seconds before it started to spin with all the thoughts she had only an hour before. She was so stupid for letting herself love him. She was pulling away, closing herself off to him. She shifted nervously waiting for him to speak again.


“It’s time and I’ve known it for what seems like forever, I was just prolonging the inevitable. I’m sure that she’s known it too.”


Paula’s eyes that had been cast down with his first sentence quickly became alive with his last. She was searching his face, his eyes, for some hint of any emotion but the only thing she saw was confidence.


“She?”


“Terri.”


Paula’s heart suddenly felt whole again, as if the little momentary lapse of feelings that had just flooded it and burst it into two never happened.


“You’re leaving her?”


“Yes.”


“Why?” She asked waiting with breath that was baited for his response.


“Because I want to be with you.”


With those endearing words Paula climbed onto the couch beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. Simon placed an arm around her and kissed her forehead with the kind of kiss that only soulmates shared.


Simon grazed his thumb against her shoulder which was naked due to the robe sliding down her shoulder. He nuzzled closer to her, and she could her the lower tones of his voice beginning to hum.


Soon he was singing the full lyrics to her as she closed her eyes and lived in the moment with him.


Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that



When Simon stopped due to a lack of lyrics he turned to talk to Paula, but she was asleep. He kissed her on the lips and carried her into his bed. The last line that he sang kept playing over and over in his head. He knew Paula deserved so much more than him, so much more than what he’d given her in the past. As he watched her chest slowly rise up and down he promised himself that he would give her the best he could for the rest of his days. They slept together without sleeping together for only the second ever that night. It was a magically moment and Simon breathed it all in as he rolled over and held her as tight as he could without waking her.

Him and Her Chapter 9

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