Chapter Nineteen
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To say their first day back on the job doing auditions was a disaster would be an understatement, it was in no uncertain terms a nightmare, Paula’s head was throbbing from a mixture of not enough sleep and too many off key contestants and the Starbucks she had hadn’t helped at all so she had now moved onto Redbull. She could barely keep her head off the table, as they came in one after the other all singing below par. Finally, after hours of nothing as far as talent went, an attractive guy came in and she silently prayed that he could sing. His name was Mark, he was tall and handsome with dark features and a nice tan, and Simon could tell by the way Paula sat up a little straighter, giving him her full attention, that Paula thought he was already something special.
“Okay, Mark is it? What are you going to sing?” Simon asked with a slight sneer. Anyone who could make Paula sit up at attention was going to piss him off today.
“It’s a song called Home.”
This song choice didn’t surprise Paula, with the success of Daughtry everyone had jumped at the chance to sing his songs for the judges.
“Whenever you’re ready Mark.” Paula said with a smile.
Mark began to sing and Paula was instantly caught off guard. Mark wasn’t singing Home by Daughtry, but rather Home by Michael Buble. Emotions began to fill her body as the lyrics echoed through the room. She felt tense, as the words that had sculpted the beginning of her romantic entanglement with Simon were sung, her emotions becoming something she could barely handle. It wasn’t the contestants, she couldn’t blame him, but with each word the memories of a that time, the memories she had spent so much timing storing away deep inside her began to rise back to the surface.
Simon hated Mark for picking this song. He hated every word that was sung, feeling Paula next to him starting to unravel, the words stirring up everything they had worked so hard to push out of their minds. This idiot was undoing everything they had worked on, all the effort to be around each other. While he knew Paula was trying so hard to be strong, to give the contestant a fair chance, Simon didn’t care.
Simon lifted his hand to stop him, but it was too late. Tears had begun to fall upon her cheeks, her breathing becoming heavy, and Simon couldn’t do anything but sit there and look at her.
Her and her beautiful emotions that tugged at his heart strings making him want to make everything okay again, even though he was sure he couldn’t. He had walked away, her life had crashed down around her, and now they were both reminded that even though they didn’t want to remember any of it, their past could not be so easily forgotten.
“Paula…” he whispered gently, placing a hand timidly on her shoulder.
She turned to look at him, her head hung low so that her caramel colored hair shielded her face from everyone else, but he could see everything. Her eyes were red, as Simon was sure they had been months before, tear stains on her cheeks, all signs that she was feeling this as much as he was, but the look in her eyes was what pierced through him. It wasn’t a look of sadness or grief, but a look of anger.
“Don’t you fucking touch me.” She said in a low tone, laced with loathing.
She quietly got up and walked away, making no excuses or apologizes.
Mark looked confused, Randy the same, and Simon just sat there, staring in the direction of her exit, longingly.
What could he do, he would just make it worse, he told himself, but he didn’t care, he couldn’t let this happen. He wasn’t going to walk away this time.
Simon left his chair in a hurry, everyone at a panic around him, looking to him for answers, but he didn’t have any for them, only her.
Her and his unadulterated love for her, something that overtook his senses, something he wanted back in his life and was now realizing as he chased after her, that he was willing to do anything to have her back in his life.
He could hear the clicking of her stilettos on the floor so he followed the sound around the corner to see her stopping at the elevator. She was mumbling something he couldn’t quite make out, except for the few well chosen curse words. Her hand was resting on the wall, as if she needed something to hold her up or she would fall apart right there.
“Paula you can’t just leave.”
“Why can’t I? You did.” She said not even bothering to look at him.
Her words were the truth but that didn’t make them any less hurtful as Simon felt the impact of his thoughtless decisions.
“I’m not leaving now, am I?”
She turned to face him, and he could see the look of hate had left her eyes and was now replaced with a look of sadness. She walked towards him and looked up, her chin tilted so she could peer straight into his eyes.
“You might be standing here now Simon, but who knows when the wind will blow you away from me again?”
She turned on her heel, ready to leave him there watching her walk away from him this time, and stepped onto the elevator.
Simon watched her not sure what to do next, so afraid of doing the wrong thing again. He stepped forward onto the elevator, desperate to make her understand how he felt.
“Get off the elevator Simon, I’ve had enough of your games.” Paula said, the emotion she was feeling now more apparent in her voice.
Simon could tell she was serious by the look on her face, the tone of her voice, and they way she held down the doors open button, waiting for him to exit.
But he didn’t.
Quietly he walked over and took the hand that was so persistently holding down the button and brought it to his lips and kissed it. She didn’t move, she didn’t say a word as the doors slowly closed.
The elevator began to move slowly, and they stood together in silence. Everything was okay, until suddenly it wasn’t.
“No.” she said, shaking her head, pulling her hand away from his. “You’re not going to do this to me again Simon.”
Paula backed away from him and stood against the wall as far away from him as possible.
“Paula, I’m not doing anything..”
“Well that’s kind of the point isn’t Simon? You don’t understand, you don’t know, you weren’t there on the beach when I was! You left, you walked out of my life and didn’t even have the respect for me to explain why! You’ve never told me why you left, and frankly I don’t care anymore Simon, but I can’t have you around me like this, not now or ever again.”
Her speech rattled him, but he wasn’t giving her up without a fight, not this time.
Simon reached over and stopped the elevator, then moved in front of the panel creating a barrier between Paula and the button that promised escape. Now she would have to listen to him.
“Paula, I can’t change what happen you know that, but I can say that I’ve learn-“
“Don’t patronize me Simon! You haven’t learned anything! Not one damn thing since you left me, all you’ve done is try to erase your mistakes with flowers.”
“Paula I love you.”
“You don’t know what love is.” She spat at him, her eyes filling with tears again. She had had enough of him and his childish games. Paula moved forward, reaching for the panel of buttons but got only his hand in hers.
“Simon LET GO!”
But he wouldn’t. Simon tried to pull her towards him, wanting her close to him, but she struggled free.
“Stop it Simon. You’ve said your piece not let me go. You said all the bullshit you needed to about how you think you love me, but you don’t know what love is. If you did you wouldn’t have left.”
“I left because-“
“I don’t care!” She put her hands over her ears, praying he would just let her go.
“I left because I love you.”
“BULLSHIT!” She yelled at him, her hands flying up in the air. “Stop lying. You don’t love me.” Tears began streaming down her cheeks, tracing the outline of her nose. “You left because you wouldn’t let me love you! WHY WON’T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?” She screamed.
Paula fell to the floor, exhausted and not caring about anything anymore. She sobbed openly in front of him, unafraid of what he would do or say.
Simon knelt beside her, taking her in his arms, kissing her cheeks. She tried to resist, but she felt empty and drained, and gave in to him at last.
“You’re right,” he whispered, the heat of his breath invading her senses “I couldn’t let you love me, I was afraid, so afraid, but I’m not afraid anymore.”
He looked at her, her face damp from the tears he’d caused her to shed, but she had never looked so beautiful to him.
“I’m not afraid anymore.”
Her eyes lifted to meet his and she saw the love that had never left them, still burning brightly, burning for her.
“I can’t trust you anymore…” She whispered.
“Will you try?”
She didn’t answer as he stood up and helped her to her feet.
“Simon I can’t-“ she started staring at the floor unable to look him in the eyes.
“Shhhh…” He said placing his index finger gently upon her lips.
Simon placed his arm around her waist and took her hand in his. He wasn’t speaking any words, but he was asking her to dance with him. Pleasantly surprised, Paula moved gracefully with him in the elevator, slowly, each movement seeming to heal them a little.
Then she heard a low whisper becoming louder and she realized Simon was singing to her.
“Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome, but I want to go home…”
With each lyric he continued to sing, Paula began to feel more at ease in his arms. It was almost as if the past didn’t matter anymore, it was only them, here, together.
“My words were cold and flat and you deserve more than that…” His sweet baritone filled the space around them. She was melting inside, with each word that flowed over his lips making everything they had went through diminish.
“Simon…”
“Yes darling?”
“I can try.”
They stopped dancing. Simon took his hand and lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him.
“You make me so very happy.” He murmured, unable to hold back his emotions. A single crystal clear tear sliding down his cheek against his will.
They leaned in together and kissed. His lips captured hers with a sensation of love she’d never felt before. His hands moved over her body, the feeling of almost losing her leaving him as he held the love of his life in his arms.
They pulled apart, and Simon leaned over and started the elevator again.
When the doors opened they were greeted by crew members, producers, as well as Ryan and Randy, but it didn’t matter, they didn’t care who saw anymore. The only thing on Paula’s mind was him, and the only thing on Simon’s was her.
Holding hands they went back to auditions, able to smile again, the feeling of the world crashing down upon them gone.
